Understanding God’s Will In Your Marriage
By Nick P.
I have to admit, when I first wrote this down on my list of topics, I realized this was going to be a challenging topic to discuss. Mainly because there are times we do not even know what God’s will is in our life, let alone in our marriage.
However, there was a reason that this topic came to me, so I will allow the Holy Spirit to work through me as He did when I listed the topic.
For me, it’s important to understand what God is doing in your marriage, but also through your marriage.
What is the difference?
Working in the marriage means what is being shaped internally, between the spouses, and how it is affecting them as a couple.
Through the marriage means how God’s will is being manifested outwardly, and how others are seeing the couple.
In The Marriage
For example, my wife and I are still relative newlyweds. Sure, we have both been married before, so we sort of know how it works in marriage, but I truly believe this is the first time either of us has been in a God centered marriage.
Because of this, we both know we are anchored together through God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit. This means as we go throughout our day as a couple, there are times we have those ‘Grace moments’, where we both feel the presence of God working in our lives.
We both feel it is important to recognize we are not the only ones in this marriage, but that God is in it as well. In fact, it’s the foundation of how we came together as friends, and eventually as husband and wife. It’s why we celebrate worshipping together, praying together, and reading Scripture together. God is working within our marriage to keep us focused on what is most important.
And, to each of us, that is serving our spouse. Not for any reward, or for any type of recognition, but just because that’s what we feel called to do.
For example, I know my wife is not a morning person, but I also know she has to be at work at a certain time. I am the morning person, so I usually get up early, make coffee, and wake her up with a cup of coffee so she can sleep as late as possible without her being late starting her morning routine. I don’t do it so she gushes with gratitude towards me, but because I feel called to serve her in this way.
Husbands, if you need further instruction in this, I want to share with you Ephesians 5: 25-33:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
To me, this is profound in that we as husbands are called to tend to the church. That church is our wife, whom we left our families to unite with, to create a new family with. When we minister to our wives, we also show ourselves love in the process, because of other than Christ’s love, we get no greater demonstration of love and faith than from our wives, at least in my opinion.
For our wives each took a leap of faith, wanting to unite with us for the same reasons we did with them. Marriage is the biggest leap of faith we can demonstrate to the world, and one of the closest ways we can be in touch with Christ.
This, to me, is how I understand the way God’s will is working in our marriage. By understanding that it is about serving each other. It’s not a matter of competition, it’s a matter of honoring and respecting each other.
Through The Marriage
So now that we’ve discussed how God’s will works within your marriage, how does that manifest outwardly so people see God’s will through your marriage?
First, and my wife and I talk about this a lot, is how people see you as a couple. If you’re holding hands in church, or smiling and happy when people see you together, and it’s genuine, they will recognize it.
I know when we see a couple together who we know have been together for many years, and are still genuinely happy, we say to each other, “We want to be like that when get to their age.”
For example, we have friended a couple at our church who are both in their eighties, and are very active. You can see they are truly happy together, and both feel blessed to have each other. It’s easy to see how much they love and care for each other, especially when they talk about each other. They are about to celebrate their 61st wedding anniversary, and I believe they want to shoot for 100 years together. And for them, that would still not be long enough.
God is working through their marriage, showing anyone who cares to pay attention how to be a couple. When I have one on one conversations with the husband, and I’ve asked him how they lasted so long, he just said, “There was just no other option in either of our minds or hearts. If we had an issue, we would find a way to work it out.”
Today, too many couples see that a divorce is an option. Or, one spouse sees it as an option, while the other sees marriage as a commitment meant to last a lifetime.
When we demonstrate how a real, authentic marriage can be, we show and understand how God’s will is working through our marriage.
I know when my wife and I were talking about marrying, we covered this topic quite extensively. Having been through divorces on both sides, we did not want to get together only to break the union again. We came to the marriage from a point of faith, not from a point of self-gratification.
I believe when we come to marriage from a point of faith, God honors us both and blesses the marriage in ways we cannot understand at the time.
How do you see God’s will in your marriage? Are you blessing each other through service? Do you understand your spouse on a level that allows you to serve them best? And, when you are out in public as a couple, are you being genuine and authentic for the world to see?
I would love and appreciate your feedback and answers to the questions I have posed to you. However, if these questions seem to challenge you, perhaps there is a reason for it, and perhaps that is God’s will working through me to help you grow into finding and understanding His will for you in your marriage, and in your life.
I look forward to your feedback to this, and anything else you feel would add to the discussion below, and God Bless.